Anticipating More Issues

I have so much that I want to write about here, but I can't seem to get my mind organized. When I'm in bed and not sleepy yet, I can picture myself writing about so many topics that I know will be helpful to me if they're documented. But, I'm here now. And, I'm stuck. I don't know what to say. What I do know is I anticipate a whole lot more issues for me alone and in my love relationship with Matt than I should. If I don't think about them, I go crazy. It's perfectly fine to go crazy in small portions, but it's not the case with my anticipation. It gets heightened when I'm around him. And, it brings me to that feeling of not wanting to be with him. But, I know better. I can't do that. There's something about him being away from me physically that just seems wrong. Every bit of my being gets rattled. It all boils down to me not trusting him. I know this for sure. I hope to God this doesn't go on for long. I do want to enjoy having a boyfriend without the fear of being betrayed the way my ex-boyfriend Rusty did. Damn that boy. He scarred me well.